9 posts tagged “say it better”
I first heard this parable when I was reporting in Europe. More recently it has popped up in over 700 places on the Internet, from Dotsie’s NABBW to ExtraMiler and Dally Kos. Guess it resonates again today.
"One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "Dear boy, the battle is between the two 'wolves' that exist inside us all.
One is Evil.
It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good.
It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee replied,
"The one you feed."
Apparently when we are happy the facial muscles on our right side are more active than those on the left side. Those change more often when unhappy.
So next time you are talking with someone important to you and you try to figure out how that person is feeling you might get so absorbed in figuring it out that the poor dear you are staring intently at may wonder if he has a piece of egg on his face.
When dogs are happy, their tails wag more to the right side of their rumps. When they have negative feelings, their tail wagging is biased to the left.
Its all about the “emotional asymmetry in the brain,” according Richard J. Davidson, director of the Laboratory for Affective Neuroscience at the University of Wisconsin - where he has pursued research on meditation, through his longtime friendship with the Dalai Lama.
Read the rest of the story in Sandra Blakeslee’s article in the Science section of The New York Times.
Discover more tantalizing tidbits about reading faces by reading Paul Ekman’s groundbreaking book, Emotions Revealed and Telling Lies.
Read the complete story here.
Discover exactly how from a master at crafting the message. Even if I often disagree with his beliefs and his stances, Roger Ailes (the man behind Fox TV) knows how to gain attention and be remembered.
Read his bestseller You Are the Message: Getting What You Want by Being Who You Are.
This is a very good book for understanding how to take center stage in public or media appearances. Ailes shows you how to ensure that your words and personal presence are positively congruent with who you really are. For formal or spontaneous presentations or media interviews, you will find no better advisor than Ailes in this book. It reads like the insider's guide. Ailes was perhaps the first political consultant to recognize the enormous power of TV appearances to sway public opinion.
For 30 years Ailes has shaped how many people feel about certain politicians, business leaders, and celebrities. In this book you'll learn exactly how your nonverbal cues can either contradict your intended message or give it the extra lift of credibility that makes you the most talked-about expert in the room. He covers ways to be genuine in the display of humor, passion, response to attacks, apology, grief, and commitment to your message.
What Clients Love: A Field Guide to Growing Your Business by ever-popular Harry Beckwith.
When's the last time you found a business book so entertaining you wanted to read excerpts out loud to someone nearby?
That's how I heard about this book.
And the person who eagerly read excerpts to me wasn't even in business. From the movie Pretty Woman to how heart surgeons dress and over 250 other culture references, Beckwith draws original insights for delighting your clients. He suggests the four significant social changes that most affect your ability to grow your business, with numerous examples for each. Then he describes how to design your business to benefit from these changes.
Beckwith concludes by outlining the traits we need to succeed in "this Evolved Economy." Also included in the book is the most usable planning guide I've ever found, a checklist of questions for building an "exceptional business," a list of "traits of clients love," and a reading list and closing interview. If you are like me, you won't be able to put this book down. Yet the chapters are short, some less than a page, so you can easily pick up where you left off if interrupted.
Any manager in business, government, or a nonprofit group can use this book to better attract and serve their clients.
In keeping with Beckwith's philosophy of demonstrating genuine, innovative care for your customers, see how you can offer them more value – with the right partners and offers. Join thousands of others who've enthusiastically adopted this marketing tool to grow their business faster, even in soft economic times.
Read Walk Your Talk: Grow Your Business Faster Through Successful Cross-Promotional Partnerships. Get started sooner by also listening to the companion audiotape as you drive.
Learn graceful verbal self-defense maneuvers for facing difficult people or situations.
Read the idea-packed, often humorous news-you-can-use book Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict by Sam Horn.
Increase your chances of staying positive in the face of argumentative or otherwise negative behavior. If you have complainers, bullies, or manipulators in your life, read this book for insights into how to turn the situation around or graciously step out of it.
Men and women of all personality styles have found relief in Horn's practical advice because she shows how to stand up for yourself without making the other person wrong and retaliatory. The entire book is based on specific situations accompanied by easy-to-remember steps for responding from a position of comfort and strength.
Read this book to learn how you can remain true to your values without becoming a target for others. Horn's examples and quotes from popular culture and personal experience as a mother and coach make this book come alive. In person, Horn is a shining example of the kindness reflected in her wise advice.
To learn more ways to restore calm and goodwill, or move on with your life read LikeABILITY, which you can download right now.
Learn graceful verbal self-defense maneuvers for facing difficult people or situations.
Read the idea-packed, often humorous news-you-can-use book Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict by Sam Horn.
Increase your chances of staying positive in the face of argumentative or otherwise negative behavior. If you have complainers, bullies, or manipulators in your life, read this book for insights into how to turn the situation around or graciously step out of it.
Men and women of all personality styles have found relief in Horn's practical advice because she shows how to stand up for yourself without making the other person wrong and retaliatory. The entire book is based on specific situations accompanied by easy-to-remember steps for responding from a position of comfort and strength.
Read this book to learn how you can remain true to your values without becoming a target for others. Horn's examples and quotes from popular culture and personal experience as a mother and coach make this book come alive. In person, Horn is a shining example of the kindness reflected in her wise advice.
To learn more ways to restore calm and goodwill, or move on with your life read LikeABILITY, which you can download right now.
Read this book for the next time for the next time you might be staring, speechless in astonishment, at someone else's bad behavior.
A dear in headlights look no more from you.... eh? Don't let somebody else determine your behavior.... reacting to theirs. Instead, choose how you want to act - and be proud of yourself later.
Thinking on Your Feet: How to Communicate Under Pressure by Marian Woodall is simply the best book for learning how to maintain composure when responding to a hot situation.
Easily thwarted, daunted, or frozen in tight situations? Most of us are sometimes. Don't be caught off-guard again. For the next time you must speak up "right now" in a hostile, high-stakes, or emergency situation, read this book. And there will be a next time.
Remember (I'll say it again) do NOT let somebody else determine your behavior by reacting to theirs. Get this book along with Sam Horn's Tongue Fu! Woodall provides solid techniques for organizing thoughts, gaining clarification, buying needed time, and more.
If you are shy, low-key, working or living around an often overpowering person, the newest hire, or an outsider, you will find confidence and power-building techniques in this book.
Want more ways to keep cool while facing pressure? Then you'll enjoy reading the many practical methods in LikeABILITY, which you can download immediately.
Draw people to you. Bring out their best side so they naturally see and support yours. Become sought-after.
How? Read The Platinum Rule: Discover the Four Basic Business Personalities--and How They Can Lead You to Success by Tony Alessandra and Michael J. O'Connor. You will be highighting every page and quoting it to others.
Many times we inadvertently offend others who don't "act right" -- like us. This is a great book for learning to work well with people of differing temperaments or background.
You can gain a deeper understanding of your personality type, recognize others' styles, and then behave in ways that demonstrate respect and inspire trust. As an improvement on the Golden Rule, the authors suggest the Platinum Rule: "Do unto others as they'd like done unto them." Find out what makes people tick and serve them their way.
This is a comprehensive guide for all parts of life, with the main focus on how to be more successful in the workplace, especially in sales or management. The authors’ approach appeals to women and men. They have applied these principles to running their businesses and training others for 20 years. This the most practical book I've found on understanding personality types to establish a connection.
To build on the relationship insights you gain with this book, learn a complementary method – how to move people away from conflict and towards connection – get LikeABILITY, which you can download immediately.
Give this to coworkers, family members, teammates, and friends to spark a helpful conversation on how to get along even better.
You can make some simple changes in how you dress, move or speak and discover that you have fewer conflicts and greater opportunity to build enduring relationships from smoother daily interactions. From the research on our gut instinctual reactions, here's some easy-to-adopt suggestions.
1. Sidle. People are more likely to like each other, remember more of what they discuss, and agree when they "sidle," standing or sitting side by side, rather than facing each other.
Two women or a man and a woman are more likely to face each other. They literally "face off". Two men instinctively sidle. Siddling brings people "in sync." Walking and talking gets you further connected. The best time to resolve issues is while walking together to the meeting, not when you are in the meeting, sitting across from each other.
2. Look for the underlying issue. When you are arguing for more than ten minutes, you are probably not discussing the real conflict and are thus unlikely to get it resolved in the discussion. Look for the underlying issue. Read Robert Bromson's Dealing With Difficult People for ideas about how to recognize difficult behaviors and ways to respond to them.
3. Detect lying earlier. When lying, most people can put an innocent expression on their face when you ask them a question about the topic, yet few (except pathological liars) get the right timing or duration of that expression.
Ignore the expression itself when they respond but note whether they appear to put it on too soon or too late and if the duration of the expression seems off. Here your instincts will often guide you to knowing their truthfulness. To learn more about how to detect lying, read Paul Ekman's book, Telling Lies.
4. Come back to your scents. Since smell is the most directly emotional sense, bypassing much of the brain's thinking process, consider how to introduce positively natural and uplifting scents into your environment as your own "sane self-indulgence."
A naturally scented environment refreshs people, so they feel uplifted. That's why outlets as diverse as the Rainforest Cafe, Sahara Vegas Casino, Disney/Epcot Home of the Future and San Francisco Aquarium have created natural "signature scents" to avoid allergic reactions while refreshing those they serve.
People who are responsible for your work setting may consider environmental scenting someday. Consider lightly scenting your uniform with the smells that are most comfortingly familiar to you. Two hospitals in Tokyo scent bed sheets with vanilla. Since a Paris hotel began scenting their twoels with rose and citrus, guests have been giving more positive reports on the hotel staff's thoughtfulness and appearance. Vanilla, apple, and chocolate are Americans' most -liked scents.
5. Be vividly specific. A specific detail or example proves a general conclusion, not the reverse. A vivid, specific detail is memorable, while a general statement is less credible and easily forgotten. Ironically, most adult conversation and advertising is general. Children are more likely to be vividly specific and thus more memorable.
When you want to be heard and remembered, characterize your information or request with a vivid, specific detail, example, story or contrasting options. Involve words that relate to the senses. For example "beautiful color" is not as vivid as "blue" which is not as vivid as "cobalt blue."
6. Be "plainly clear." Avoid wearing patterned clothing or other detail on your clothing, especially on the upper half of the body, because it will shorten the attention span of the person with whom you are speaking.
